Ok, now for the ironic
side of the last entry.
There is one lesson that
I have been taught repeatedly over the last few years. It's quite simple, but
evidently I have a difficult time letting it stick. The lesson is this: I am not God.
"You know, you're
kinda like God to me," she'd said. Oh goodness, child, please phrase that
sentence differently! Let me explain my severe discomfort.
A week after hearing this
phrase, I found myself surrounded by girls in sorrow and pain. Naturally, I
loved on them. I hugged and listened and questioned and prayed and cried. The
floodgates of hurt flew open in a fashion that I know began by God's leading:
that was the only time this summer that I felt that I needed to have this
particular worship. And there was a healthy space for it. There were words that
needed to be said and heard. There were hugs that needed to be received.
But somehow it became
unhealthy very quickly. I became an emotional crutch for a number of children. Very
subtly, my focus became problem-solving: how can I help/fix/restore? Yet whose
mind should be on these matters, mine or God's? How embarrassing it is to
examine this in retrospect. But in the midst of it all, I was a blinded
wreck--emotionally, physically (late night conversations were taking a toll on
all of us), and spiritually. Thankfully, I have people in my life willing to
continue sentences that start with, "I know you won't want to hear this…"
Camp isn't therapy was the gist of that conversation. Also, Katelyn has limits.
God doesn't have limits.
Katelyn has limits. And sometimes, most of the time, God will bring healing to
someone without using Katelyn as a primary conduit. I wrote a while back about
the concept of serving a limitless God. I think limits and inabilities and
problems crop up when the emphasis on serving God and following His lead is
disregarded. The more the focus is on me and what I can do, the more
problematic the situation becomes.
Codependency. I don't
like that word. I like even less that I participate in it. I'm working on that.
I'm realizing that I have been given gifts and abilities that can be of great
benefit to others in their walks. But if I am making a significant appearance
on a stage set for God and His child, I think I can often be of more harm to
all of us than the help I may intend. Restoration is something that God alone
can provide for people. When I try to provide it, I become less of a friend and
more of a crutch. And really, I don't want people to hobble through life with
me supporting their weight; I want people to be healed.
God's working on
restoring me. Ultimately, I want to see Him restore and heal those around me.
And for that to happen, I just might have to take a step back and let that
happen. Because I'm not God.
 |
| I'm Katelyn. |
Great thoughts, friend
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